What i talk about when i talk about writing
the unedited version
The thing is… well, the Truth Is, that i have no clue what i talk about when i talk about writing. I just write with the hope that osmeone finds it interesting enough to read.
If anoyone whould have aske dme to write a piece about anything only 1 year ago, i would have looked at them as if they were crazy. And to some part i still do. I’m not a writer (sounds like the begining of a really bad speach) i’m an architec, i’m a designer, i’m a muse, a’m a dancer, i’m amny things, but i have never ever in a million years seen myself as a writer, and i still don’t. i’m just somone whos stupit enough to not let that little thing stop me. i write, and i do my best to catch the readers attenchion by really cehap tricks, such as making it persona, stranslating swedish sayings into english an hope that people get them, and write something that i might find interesting to read. Normally i write 100% sober, but moslt likely high as a kite on life.
When i was asked about 1 year ago to write a list of education projects aorund the gloabe that i found interesting for core77, my list was so long that the mial i got back saomehting along the line of “Can you just write it?”, and i figured “I hate writing, but why not?” I’m always up for a challange, specially when it comes to challangeing myself.
What i didn’t count on was that by starting to write i would open up on many other levels, and things that i had been affraid of doing before, such as starting projects by myself, projects that might not end up becoming anything, projects within field of wish i knew nothing about, didn’t feel like a big deal. I got over so many personal obstacles that, looking back at it, i don’t understand why i ever saw them as obstacles. Why was i so affraid of fucking up, why was i so affraid of not being perfect, why was i so affraid of how others saw me, why did i let myself walk around with so many ideas witout doing anythingn about them??? i can name a bunch of things i was a friend of other then the ones i just mentioned, but i see no need for it.
Maybe i’ve started too many projects at the same time, maybe i’ve started to many websites wituot a true purpose, but you know what, i don’t care. The more things i start, the more things i learn, the more people i meet, the more inpsiration i get to do it better not just next time, but right now.
And it’s not other perceprion of me that i value most right now, it’s my own value of me tha ti care about, and i have never felt so confortable with myself as i do now. Sure, i’m in a sense unemployed, but i bring so much to the table by the things i’ve started that i no longer feel worthless. And it’s that feeling of a lack of worth, a lack of a value to bring to the table (my own and others) that holds us back from reaching even close to the potential that we all have within us.